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old skooler

Registered: 08-2003
Location: Classified
Posts: 23
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The LEMKE Files... Part1


Posted by Ultra Meow_Jeff on 19:30:06 8/26/2002 from 67.34.85.43:

     MJ: Hello, We're special agents MeowJeff and Emiwy.

     Lady: Get out of my house, I don't know anything!

     Emiwy: Ma'am, we know about your affiliation with the LEMKE project.

     Lady: GASP!

     (THEME SONG FOR “THE LEMKE FILES” PLAYS)


     Lady: Okay, I’ll tell you everything. From the day I met him…to the day Taryn disappeared…

     MJ: Can we have your name, please?

     Lady: I am Latisha Morton, but this was before I went into the witness protection program, back when I was
     Taryn.

     Emiwy: Go on.

     Lady: I first got involved when I met him. His name was Strong Bad. Oh, after the first look, I knew I had to have
     him. He was so manly…I wish I knew what loins were, cause I’m pretty sure they were burning. You see, that
     day, he was posing as a doctor. Dr. Professional. He seemed to be distraught. Like he was hiding…Searching.

     MJ: For?

     Lady: You’ll see, Mr. Jeff.

     You see, just as he was about to look into my ears, a man burst into the room. I later learned that his name was
     Homsar. He was an odd one…either way, Mr. Bad picked me up and carried me out of the room over his
     muscular, unclothed shoulder. We drove for hours, and—

     (Ring ring)

     MJ: MeowJeff speaking.

     Lymphoid: We found a body, and we have reason to believe that it’s affiliated with the LEMKE situation.

     Emiwy: What is it?

     MJ: They found a body. (To phone) We’ll be right over, Lymph.

     Emiwy: I’m sorry, Ma’am, it appears that we’ll have to come back tomorrow for the rest of your story.

     Lady: (mumbling) Oh, Strong Bad…
     ////////////////////////////////////////////////////

     (MJ and Emiwy in the car)

     Emiwy: Oh, come on MeowJeff, do you honestly believe a word of that woman’s story?

     MJ: Sure, I do.

     Emiwy: Oh, come on. Just face it; this LEMKE thing is an elaborate prank, and nothing more.

     MJ: Meow.
     //////////////////////////////////////////////////

     (At the Lobotomy)

     Dr. Scrububs: It seems that something was removed from the brain. Something vital. It appears that they removed
     the part of the brain that reacts to Fluffy Puff marshmallows. There’s some kind of a coding in here…Man, these
     people know what they were doing. Listen, I’m gonna have to send this to someone to take a look at it. I’ll call
     you guys in when I know something.

     Emiwy: Well, MJ, I’m going to get home, and I advise you do the same. Take a break; spend some time with
     your wife.

     MJ: Yeah, sure, Em. If anything comes up, let me know.
     ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

     (MJ enters the front door, a note lies on the floor, the house is oddly quiet.)

     MJ: Holly, you h—GOD DAMN IT!

     The note reads:

     Drop it or you’re next.
     -Homsar
     ////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

     Emiwy: Emiw-

     MJ: They got Holly, We’ve got to get to that woman’s house and find out the rest of the story. Now.

     Emiwy: MeowJeff, this is crazy, it’s 11:00.

     MJ: I’ll be at your house in ten minutes.

     Emiwy: MeowJ- (click)
     //////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

     Lady: Well, we drove for hours; he didn’t say anything the whole way. When we got there, he explained what he
     was doing. He was part of a group called the LEMKE project, a group trying to stop a group called “Oblation.”
     He’d been at the hospital trying to find some files on that Homsar man.

     (A special effects guy adds a flash to MJ’s eyes, for the effect)

     Lady: Homsar was LEMKE’s right hand man, I’m still not completely sure about what they were doing, but I
     know it was something evil.

     Emiwy: Oblation…Meaning sacrifice…

     Lady: I guess so. Anyway, Once they told me about it, I was in. I took an active role in he group, and my
     relationship with Strong Bad, was also amazing. But he always wore that mask when we…well, that’s irrelevant.
     You see, I was so close…that was when Homsar’s strong man came for me. I didn’t want to get killed, and that
     Geshko man was so intimidating. I had to get away, even if it meant abandoning the project. That’s when I
     entered the witness protection program, I had to, it was the only option, you see. That’s all I can tell you, all I
     know.

     MJ: Thank you, Ma’am.

     Emiwy: We’re so sorry for making you recall these painful memories.

     Lady: No, it’s good to think about him…
     /////////////////////////////////////////////////

     (In the car)

     Emiwy: MeowJeff, I want you to see this.

     (Emiwy pulls out a series of articles)
     MJ: Fluffy Puff robberies?

     Emiwy: After what Dr. Scrububs told us, I think this may be related to Oblation.

     MJ: Good thi—(ring ring)

     MJ: MeowJeff speaking.

     Lymphoid: Scrububs says she has something. Get yourself down there, please.

     (swerve)

     (Scrubub’s lab)

     Dr. Scrububs: I brought in a technician; he’s the only person ever to’ve majored in Computer/Brain Science.

     MJ: Well, that’s weird, and oddly convenient.

     Dr. Tafkats: Well, this coding appears to’ve made this man want to steal Fluffy Puff marshmallows and give them
     to...someone. I couldn’t make out whom.

     Emiwy: Oblation…

     Dr. Tafkats: It appears that what these people intended to do was-

     Dr. Scrububs: AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!
     (Scrububs falls to the floor with a knife sticking out of her throat)

     Dr. Tafkats: No!

     (Special effects guy adds a teardrop to Tafkats’ eye—for the effect)

     (Another yell and Tafkats is down as well)

     (Geshko smashes through the wall, Homsar behind him)

     Homsar: Restrain the woman.

     (Geshko holds Emiwy up by her collar)

     Emiwy: (gasping for air) Y-you…steali—ing…marsh…(she falls silent)

     Homsar- Yes, LEMKE has a mighty appetite.

     MJ: What did you do to…so is that all you’re doing? Stealing marshmallows?

     Homsar: Oh, you don’t know the half of it. Once LEMKE’s eaten enough Marshmallows, he’ll be able to use his
     mental powers to remove the elastic bands from everyone’s underwear.

     MJ: GASP! Why?!

     Homsar: Because it’s funny! And because we’re going to make a giant ball and shoot it out into space, so that it’ll
     ricochet off of a satellite and shoot back at the Earth?

     MJ: That doesn’t even make any sense?

     Homsar: Well, this show kinda needs a plot…

     Emiwy: Urk…Gotcha. Gasp,

     Homsar: Now, Mr. MeowJeff, prepare to die.

     Lymphoid: Hands up, Homsar.

     Homsar: Oh crap.

     (Lymphoid stands just beyond the hole in the wall holding a few huge guns with Rapunzel, Alan Evil, Silly Rabbit
     and various others behind him, all heavily armed)

     (Alan Evil steps forward and punches him against the wall, then proceeds to pick him up)

     Geshko: Haha! (Throws Emiwy at the wall and runs through the other wall)
     ////////////////////////////////////////////////////

     (Hospital)

     Emiwy: (lies on a hospital bed) So, they never found Geshko, huh?

     MJ: Nope, and LEMKE is still out there.

     Emiwy: So, any news on Holly?

     MJ: She’s back home, doesn’t remember anything…All records of Scrububs and Emiwy are gone…Damn it,
     Emiwy, just when we’re so close to figuring this thing out, everything disappears.

     Emiwy: Hey what’s that, up in the sky?

     MJ: Just a blimp.

     Emiwy: But look, it says “Taryn, Where are you, man? –Strong Bad”
     //////////////////////////////////////////////////////
     END




(3:00 AM, Dortugal Jail)

(A crash echoes through the hallways of the large white building)

Homsar: What took you so long, you lumbering fool?!

(An angered expression registers on Geshko’s face and quickly disappears)

(Geshko lifts Homsar and throws him out through the hole in the wall)

(THE LEMKE FILES THEME SONG PLAYS)
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////


---
Somewhere in Ireland, a village is missing an idiot.

-Taryn
11/7/2004, 11:00 pm Link to this post Send Email to Taryn   Send PM to Taryn AIM
 
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old skooler

Registered: 08-2003
Location: Classified
Posts: 23
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Re: The LEMKE Files... Part 2


(A voice echoes throughout the darkness of the Rockambo estate)

Rockambo: Those agents’re getting dangerously close to the truth.

Phil Harmonic: What d’you advise we do?

Rockambo: Destroy them.
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

LEMKE: Mr. Tire.

Population Tire: (bows) Sir-

LEMKE: Is the cyborg ready?

Population Tire: Almost, sir, but-

LEMKE: I’ll need to send him out immediately.

Population Tire: I guess that’d be okay…

LEMKE: Yes…and the girl?

Population Tire: She’s perfect.

LEMKE: Splendid…

Population Tire: Another thing, sir, the Assassin has arrived…

LEMKE: Tell her t-

PatZurge: Good morning.

LEMKE: Beautiful…

(Knock on the door)

LEMKE: Ah, there they are…now the invasion can begin.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(Doogsokhseg Ave, a car heading toward the FBI HQ)

Emiwy: (mumbling) Finally getting back to work…Hope MeowJeff isn’t as on edge as he the other night…
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
MeowJeff: How could you not remember ANYTHING?
Holly: Honey, I don’t know what you’re talking about, I was here, reading in the bathtub.
MeowJeff: No, you weren’t! You were gone…
Holly: (worried) Um…I think you’d better get to work.
(MeowJeff walks off, mumbling)
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
(MeowJeff and Emiwy’s office)
Emiwy: Morning…where’ve you been?
MeowJeff: With Holly.
Emiwy: That’s good, I don’t thi-
MeowJeff: She doesn’t remember anything…
Emiwy: Oh god, you were interrogating her?
MeowJeff: Not now, Em…I’m not in the mood…
(The phone rings)
Emiwy: Emiwy here…. A what? A cyborg…Right. Is this a pran-Alright, we’ll be right down…
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////
(Taryn sits at her computer)
Taryn: I’ve been analyzing the code that Dr. Tafkats found…I believe it has a homing device embedded into it…

Strong Bad: What the crap?

Taryn: It’s emitting a very strong signal…

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(A sleek figure leans against a desk, dressed in a tight-fitting black leather body suit)

Rapunzel: I’m sick of sitting around here; we need to get out there, Al, Honey…

Alan Evil: I know what you mean…

Rapunzel: (hands plasma blaster to Alan, lifts her favorite gun, a Mecha Astro Hoopy Oinbored Nuh (MAHON for short) Let’s go.

////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(A creature half robotic, half human walks down the street, closely followed by a heavily armed, muscular woman.)

Scrububs: Now, we must head for the FBI building, I believe that Strong Bad’s rebel group is stationed bear there. (Her eyes have become amber and look glazed. She dangles between life and death. A zombie, almost, altered genetically after her death to make the ultimate fighting machine.)

Tafkats: Silence. (His neck is completely metallic, as well as various parts of his body. A super-human.)

Scrububs: You dare disobey LEMKE’s orders?

Tafkats: You forget which of us is more powerful, wench.
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

PatZurge: What is the name of the one I seek to destroy?

Homsar: His name is Lymphoid.

PatZurge: He will die.

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(One room over)
Population Tire: Sir, what’s this invasion you speak of?

LEMKE: Well, surely you didn’t think that I was a mere human.

Population Tire: Well, I only assumed-

LEMKE: SILENCE, FOOL! They will be here in a matter of days, maybe hours.

Geshko: …Invasion…I must go aid Homsar, sir. (Geshko bows and exits)
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Tafkats: (speaking to a small screen on his wrist) Yes, we’re headed that way now. Strong Bad will die.
///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Phil Harmonic: Sir?

Rockambo: The device on Emiwy’s neck shall activate by the hour.

(Above, a clock ticks. 2:53)
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

MeowJeff: So, where are we headed?

Emiwy: It’s close. Doogsokhseg Ave.

(Silence for a few seconds)

Emiwy: AUGH! (Emiwy grasps the back of her neck)

MeowJeff: What is it?! Damn it, what’s happening, Em?!(MeowJeff tries to attend to Emiwy and maneuver the car to the side of the road. It’s 2:56)
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Strong Bad: How did these two crap for brains get in here?!

Taryn: Oh god…Oblation…

(Tafkats extends a metallic arm toward those who stand ahead of him. Surely, his arm is strong enough to destroy any human.)

(People rush to Strong Bad and Taryn’s aid, or else, turn to flee)

(Tafkats seems about to kill them. Suddenly, he turns to the side, and hand making a fist, and smashes Scrububs’ face.)

Tafkats: (looks down at Scrubub’s motionless body) Now she’ll finally get the peace she deserves…

(There is a silence in which Strong Bad and Taryn examine Tafkats)

Tafkats: I’ve got some information. On Oblation.
(It is 2:57)
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(MeowJeff spots the device of Emiwy’s neck. He pries at it desperately, and Emiwy yells in pain. The car is parked diagonally on the street. Many honk their horns. It’s 4:58)
////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(A knife flies through a window)

(Lymphoid's eyes widen)

(Lymphoid runs out of the room, yelling…the words “It’s no use…you’re mine…” echo through the room. 2:59)
//////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(An explosion.)

(Geshko dives through the back of the car)

(Geshko’s massive hand hovers above Emiwy’s openly bleeding neck.)

(A crunch is heard. The device is useless and irreparable.)
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

(3:01)

Rockambo: Damn it. Those agents will die. Get me LEMKE on the line.

Phil Harmonic: Yes sir.

TO BE CONTINUED


---
Somewhere in Ireland, a village is missing an idiot.

-Taryn
11/7/2004, 11:01 pm Link to this post Send Email to Taryn   Send PM to Taryn AIM
 
SirGeshko Profile
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old skool tech staff

Registered: 08-2003
Location: NY
Posts: 160
Karma:  0 (+0/-0)
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Re: The LEMKE Files... Part1


I found this saved with my copy of the LEMKE files... I think my old squire, TAFKATS_G wrote it after he bit the dust in the First part.

Enjoy?

YESTERDAY,
All the newbies seemed so far away,
We posted loards and loards thanks to MJ,
Oh, we'll remember yesterday.

SUDDENLY,
I'm not half the man I used to be,
The bad guys came but when I tried to flea,
Oh, My demise came suddenly.

WHY HE
Killed me off...I don't know, he wouldn't say.
I SAID,
One stinking line, then "went down" in the fray

...oh it was

Emiway,
Had a big role in the Lemke play,
You mess with her, and there'll be hell to pay,
Oh, Geshko better hide away.

Will they
Solve the case? I don't know, We'll have to wait.
Meow Jeff,
Let me live, Please tell me what's my fate?

Oh...oh...

YESTERDAY,
Homsar entered into some foul play,
Maybe they will clone scrubub's DNA,
OH, I hope she'll see another day.

MM-MM-MM-MM-MM-MM-MM...
Thank MJ...
Ohhohh oh...
For your essay

---
"And whether or not you realize it, the universe is unfolding as it should."~Max Erhmann, The Desiderata
11/11/2004, 7:16 pm Link to this post Send Email to SirGeshko AIM Yahoo
 


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